Relationships // On Falling in Love with an Older Guy...

December 07, 2017

'Every love story is a fairytale; but ours is my favourite'. Photo from 2010. 

Something a little different from me today. I always favour reading personal items on other people’s blogs but when publishing myself I always question whether to post. I guess for that fear of judgement? A piece on my thoughts for marrying an older man below if you’re in a blog reading mood. Back soon with more of our Christmas and December so far.

I'm a great believer of fate, and a real campaigner for everybody to find true love. You see, I really love love. I want relationships to work if they're right for those two people. For everybody to get their fairytale come true, whatever form that may take. We see a guy in our village, he's on his own and probably in his late 30s?, who takes himself to the coffee shop every Saturday morning on his own for breakfast with his book, and I say to my husband 'I really hope he one day meets somebody else in there on their own, what a movie plot that would be'. I think it was probably my obsession with Beauty & the Beast as a 5 year old that started me off. All those Disney princess movies with a fairytale ending, the championing of Rom-Coms where the couple have a battle against all odds but then come good in the end. And I guess you could say that about my husband and I. We have a bit of an unconventional beginning. One that we have to pause and think about the answer when people ask that inevitable question 'so how did you meet'? Because Ben is ten years older than I am and we met when I was in school {on a school trip to Wales}.

Was it love at first sight? Hmm, I don't think I necessarily believe in that {is love ever based on physical attraction alone?!}. But there was this unexplained connection from the start when we were brought together and started talking. We just got each other. I may have been in school but I think everybody knew I was always way beyond my years so age didn't really seem like an issue to us at all. It was most definitely an issue for wider society at first and I think on paper if you hear that in essence a teen and a 25 year old are together then you tend to automatically judge? For this reason, to keep everybody happy we decided to wait for about eighteen months to be together properly. It was really tough at the time but in the grand scheme of things when we look back it was nothing at all. It's funny isn't it how sometimes you just know something is right? To quote Prince Harry in his recent engagement interview ‘the stars just aligned’. And I feel incredibly lucky to have skipped all the dating stuff, to find somebody that I wanted, and want, to be with for the rest of my life at such a young age. From 2009, after spending hours and hours writing to each other both in letter form and emails we could then start dating properly. I finished my A-levels, all the while we would fit in as much travel together as we could, and then we went on a 3 week adventure around South East Asia before I started university. We bought our first property together that September, a flat above a florist in Maida Vale whilst I studied Law at the LSE and then after a couple more years, we moved back out to the village where we'd both grown up in in Hertfordshire and bought our first house {remember this house?} which truly felt like home to us both. We got engaged in 2012 just before the house completed and had to move back in with my parents for a while whilst we renovated it all and then got married in the summer of 2014.

So that's pretty much our story. Over ten years since we first met, and almost nine official years under our belts. When two people have been together for that long, inevitably you both change so much in that time, yet for us I feel like we've both changed for the better and our relationship now is a million times better than it was at the start. We're almost both completely different people yet it works better than ever. I'm surprised just how much more I love my husband now than say even 6 years ago if that’s even possible?! We have so much in common yet at the same time we're completely different as people but there's this connection that's too magical to deny. Neither of us are perfect and I could write a whole other blog post on the things he does that annoy me but I can't imagine my life without my husband by my side.

In terms of our age difference though I wanted to share a few things I've noted over the years;

- An age gap becomes so much less of an issue the older you get. 15/25 is a fairly big deal. 25/35 is no biggie. And 35/45 doesn't really feel like anything at all.
- I've always loved dating, and marrying, an older man because he's so much more mature than guys my age. He had a whole ten years of life before me and is so well travelled and well rounded.
- To me, he seems to know everything and I'm always surprised when I ask him something that he doesn't know.
- But sometimes he'll talk about some TV show that I've never heard of as he's an 80s kid and I was born in the 90s!
- He's so level headed. I don't know if this is an age thing or not but he calms me down no end of times and is probably one of the wisest people I know.
- It's fun to hear of his adventures before I met him, the teaching he did in Africa, the houses he bought when he was in uni, the trips he took around South America.
- Our friends are at completely different stages. His are all married and having children. Mine are just just a few years into their careers {most have long term partners but would balk at the thought of being engaged yet}. But it doesn't matter, we can see them separately or we can mix everyone together and it's fine.
- To people that don't know us, Ben looks younger than he is. A bonus I guess?
- There were no games when we were dating. No labelling issues or social media to worry about. Nowadays when I hear about my Brother's tales from uni I feel lucky that we didn't have any of that to worry about.
- The children thing luckily isn't too much of an issue because I'm younger, there's no real rush to get started so I feel like we've had some really golden years without any real cares in the world.

It's funny though isn't it how now nobody is really bothered by the age gap at all. Yet if it was the other way round, if I was 10 years older than Ben then everybody would call me a cougar! Do you and your partner have an age gap? I'd love to hear some of your stories.

At the end of the day, love is love. And whilst I'm not naive enough to know that relationships do break down and that people do change, I just want everybody to have some fairytale-esque magic in their lives. But of course if people choose to be alone then that's ok too.

R <3 xx

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  1. Ahhh what a lovely story!! I have a 9 year age gap with my husband (I'm nearly 38 and he just turned 46) but exactly as you find I never notice it and age really is irrelevant. We were both in long term relationships when we met professionally but got married less than a year after getting together and celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary earlier this year. Wishing you a long and happy life together xx

  2. Thanks for sharing x
    My partner and I have been together almost 8 years and have an 8 year age gap. It was an issue for our Mum’s (his wanted babies soon and mine was worried he was too old for me) but here we are happy and “normal”. Although I totally agree the 80’s tv references are quite confusing sometimes haha

  3. I met my older husband when I was 15 and it written off as a real relationship by pretty much everyone because I was ‘too young’ and there were ‘too many hurdles’ to overcome but I knew from the moment we met that this was it. 15 years later and we’re still going from strength to strength. I thank my lucky stars every day that I met him at such a young age and have enjoyed so many wonderful years together. Here’s to many more! x x

  4. What a lovely story. My partner is 15 years older than me. We've been in a long distance relationship for the 10+ years we've known each other thanks to him being in the Military. It kind of works for us. People are too quick to judge when things don't fit in a neat box but where would the fun be in that? Here's to you having many more great years together.

  5. I probably shouldn't be commenting as my husband and I only have a two year age gap but I was 19 when we met and 20 when we got engaged. We both knew as soon as we met that we had met the one but we were met with such hostility from people or they were very patronising telling us we were children and didn't know what we were doing. We got married when I was 21 and organising our wedding was very hard as people wouldn't take me seriously. The gift list lady in John Lewis told me to go away and come back when I was old enough to get married. I don't think it helped that I'm short and looked younger than I was. We had the same issue buying wedding rings. I got pregnant at 22 and that was the worst as everyone assumed I was an unmarried teenage mother and complete strangers would say very hurtful things and be very judgmental. I got a lot of looks and comments on the school run as all the other mothers were 10 - 15 years older than me. Anyway we have been married for 13 years now and are still so happy and now we are in our thirties no one even thinks about how old we must have been when we got married or had children.

  6. Well hello from the "cougar" ��. There is an 8 year gap between my husband and I, and I'm the older one! I can honestly say other than his Mum asking if I was "one of those tigers" she'd heard about there has never been an issue. At the start I was very nervous to bring up marriage and children because he was only 22, and I was 30 and wanting to start on a family soon-ish, but I soon realised he was an old soul and wanted the same as me, though perhaps we wouldn't have done things quite so quickly if I wasn't worried about my fertility. As it is, we have bought a house and renovated it, got married and had our gorgeous daughter all in the 5 years since we met, and these days nobody has a clue there's an age gap. I think if you fit together you fit together and age is just a number! Lovely to read this more personal post, I must admit to having wondered a bit about your story! X

  7. The way you describe Ben (being surprised when he doesn't know something and being level headed) sounds like my fiance. Only thing is, he is 15 months younger than me! When it's right, it's right and my love for him definitely growns witg each passing year.
    Lovely to read your story!

  8. Such an interesting post,thank you! My boyfriend is 10 years older than me,we are 29 and 39, and it's funny reading your list of things you have noticed as they nearly all apply to us too!! Adam is so level headed and can always calm me down and I love to hear about his previous travels around the world too.We are such different people but have a lot of common ground at the same time.At the beginning I was wary of the age gap,but quickly realised it was actually a good thing!Thank you for sharing:) x

  9. It’s so true how age differences become irrelevant the older you both get! My fiancé is 14 years older than me, we met at work when I was 18/19 and he was 33. We hit it off right away as friends and after about 6 months, our friendship turned into something more. We have been together over 7 years now and have two children together! I think certain gaps sound more pronounced than others; I’m 26 and he is 40 but when I am 31 and he’s 45, I feel that sounds smaller?! We’ve never noticed our age gap causing any problems between us (he was single with no previous serious relationships or kids) and it’s still that way now! X

  10. What a lovely story and so true. I met my husband when I was 13 and he was 16 and it was a massive deal! The law kind of incubates that too and also men tend to be seen as the seducers (after only one thing!) which was completely the reverse for us! Anyway, 20 years on, and it is absolutely nothing! He’s genuinely like a part of me and I could never imagine my life without him. It’s funny how you do change over the years and how new things (like children) completley change the dynamic of your relationship but not the love. x


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