Pregnancy // The Way That We Found Out

January 03, 2019

The tale of that magical weekend that we had a positive test...

My first initial symptoms in that dreaded 'two week wait' between ovulation and your period were; feeling extra thirsty, I had this weird lump on one of my nipples {TMI?!} and weird waves of tingling, two really strong shooting pains in my abdomen that almost made me have to sit down {this was more on my left side and I later found out from my first scan that the egg was released from my left ovary!}. Also, a friend from pilates had had a premonition about me being pregnant, I'd told her we were trying and she said 'I just think that you already are'! Magical Helen. 

October 2018
But despite these few symptoms, I’d had a lot more symptoms on the months before which had turned out to be negative. I had been tearful on the days I thought were leading up to my period. Telling Ben that I was sorry if I wouldn’t be myself the next few days and wouldn’t be laughing as much, getting sick of this cycle and pretty much knowing the outcome already {I was convinced that it would be negative}. But then we had a beautiful autumn day out in Bushy park. Taking a selfie together which we hardly ever do. Feeling so happy but also still having a few wobbles and chats in the car about this journey and how I was feeling like I’d be crushed if it wasn’t this month.

We came back that evening and had dinner. It was silly but Ben had fixed our upstairs lights after months of us having to use a master switch to turn each room on compared to individually controlling them. I was running a bath in the upstairs loft and just felt this wave of happiness. I leapt downstairs, remembering that feeling running across our bedroom and decided just to take a test. It wasn’t the ‘fmu’ that you’re meant to use {first morning urine} and I was still technically two days away from being due on my period. I was pretty sure that it would just be negative but something just told me to do it. I peed into a little cup, as I was so used to by now, before dipping that stick in, and I didn’t stand there watching it, I think I cleaned my teeth to wait the two/three minutes. I came back to it and saw a faint line. Definitely faint but definitely there and they say that any positive/colour is a positive, it’s just early/more dilute. I shouted ‘DELLA’ to Ben upstairs. My voice concerned, he instantly thought he’d done something wrong which made me laugh. I showed him the photo and our hearts were both racing, even though we knew it wasn’t properly confirmed at this point. I text my friend F to show her a photo and she got excited too, but we all agreed that we’d keep our emotions in check until the morning, and also the morning my period would actually be due. 

In hindsight it was a stupid idea to do a test before bed, but I genuinely never believed it would show anything positive. After all, I’d done, what felt like, so many before that ended up just one stark negative line. But my mind was racing. I didn’t know how I’d get to sleep, I was pretty much bouncing off the walls. I even showed Ben that selfie from earlier in the day and joked ‘this might be our first photo as parents!’  We watched This is Us and then have I got news for you to fall asleep to but then I couldn’t stop waking up that night. I remember feeling constantly thirsty and of course my mind just whirring away trying to process everything. It was the night the clocks went back so we’d have an extra hour which I normally love but on this night, sleep was not coming. It was 2am {old time 3am?!} and I lay there staring at the tiny cracks of light coming through the shutters. Wondering what the hopefully next 9 months would have in store. Then panicking I’d be too tired for dinner with our parents in London that afternoon. I tried to get back to sleep but then starting googling ‘can’t sleep early pregnancy’ or ‘thirsty and hot in night early pregnancy’ to find that both seem to be common for some women. I’ve always been an amazing sleeper, surely this can’t happen every night?! {the night’s previously I’d been waking up v early too}. 

Eventually it was the morning and time to take another test. It was even darker this time and we were both pretty sure by this point. I went for a run, after googling to double check it’s safe, and just beamed that whole run, looking up at the sky and feeling so grateful that this was actually happening. I saw four different pairs of magpies. Joy. So much joy. I then later went to buy a clear blue digital test just to be able to see those words ‘pregnant’ on a screen. It confirmed that I was 2 weeks pregnant. And that's where this whole journey began!

I'll share more about how we told our parents that afternoon in another post about the taboo of talking about pregnancy before 12 weeks... and my first trimester diary next week.

R <3 xx 

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